Aging brings many changes into our lives – physical, emotional, and spiritual. One of the most emotional hurtful experiences is that of being disrespected only because we are older. Just because we are older, we are asked different questions than when we were younger. Questions such as after a procedure, not requiring some type of sedation, the office personnel ask if someone is with you? How can we deal with this and how do we educate others of the need to be respectful?
What is respect?
Have you noticed as you get older that you begin to be treated differently. Even though respect among human beings seems to be diminishing, all of us value being respected as a person with value. Respect is defined as “due regard for the feelings, wishes, rights, or traditions of others” from the Oxford Dictionary. Respect for aging individuals can be viewing the person as a responsible adult who can make their own decisions.
How to manage disrespect?
There are some steps to managing disrespect with your family, colleagues, or friends. With strangers who are disrespectful to you, it is best to ignore them and move on. With strangers, their mental state is unknown and responses to them could be dangerous for your health.
With friends, family, and colleagues:
- Explain the why you are talking to them about this situation. Set up the conversation for success with the why of this conversation.
- Describe to them the situation that was hurtful or disrespectful.
- Let them know how their behavior made you feel. What kind of impact upon you? Loss of confidence, feeling less of a person, thinking I’ve “lost my mind”. I’ve heard these comments from individuals who were hurt by family’s or friends’ behavior.
- Ask for what you need from them in the future. How you wish to be treated.
- Let them know how you value their friendship, working relationship, or love.
What about the rest of the world?
Some hospital systems across the United States are moving toward “Age Friendly Care” for older patients. This was developed by the Institute of Healthcare Improvement and follows evidence-based standards, along with causing no harm and aligning what matters to the older adult and their family. The rest of the world has to catch up with those types of action. Most of the service industries should be focusing more on age friendly service.
In summary, planning on how to respond to individuals being disrespectful to you will make you feel more in control, if and when it happens.
Regards,
Dr. Mike
References:
https://www.ihi.org/Engage/Initiatives/Age-Friendly-Health-Systems/Pages/default.aspx